This afternoon I went to the local home improvement store to have an inch taken off of some blinds I had bought there for the girls room. There were two other customers in front of me having their blinds cut, and when it was finally my turn the employee kindly informed me that they don't cut the blinds I had bought, but they do cut this other kind that cost $28 more for the same size. So, after considerable internal struggle I decided to exchange the old blinds and buy the nicer ones that can be cut to the right size.
Following a 15 minute wait in the returns line I finally got back to the "cutting station" with my new blinds. As I walked up to the employee she looked at me strangely and asked if I wanted the new blinds cut. When I replied that I did she offhandedly told me it would 30 minutes before she completed two other customer requests and could get to mine. Before I knew it I was mumbling under my breath, "f***". Immediately I felt both guilty and ashamed. I'm not even sure whether or not she heard me but I had just let the granddaddy of all cuss words slip.
Now what was wrong with that? This is a line of thought I've thought about and discussed off and on over the years. (Here's a post at Just Matt that I joined in on) I guess what it comes down to for me is not that the word is that bad but that the condition of my mind and spirit at that point is just out of control. I was basically walking around one little inconvenience away from erupting and flying off the handle. To me, that is what's wrong with cussing. It's being out of control of my words and actions. I have much less of a problem with intentionally using strong language (provided it's not derogatory toward another person). I don't think uttering those sounds and syllables is really that bad. But what's bad to me is what my heart looks like in that moment. I want to learn the secret of being content in any and every situation. Then, a 30 minute inconvenience would not be the proverbial "straw that broke the camel's back" but something entirely different. And I would be a man of peace.
5 comments:
Wow - The "F Bomb." Good for you. I am with you man - that is so frustrating. I was in a similar situation on Sat. when putting together a ping pong table (which by the way I DO NOT recommend) - every other word that crossed my mind was one I should have not been thinking. Why is it that those are what we desire to say when we get frustrated!
FRUITCAKE!
We're bringing the soap.
LYMI
Mommy & Poppi
Berry-boy, I hope Mommi & Poppi are bringing the Palmolive with the piquant after-dinner flavor. YUCK!
Just to add another comment. You have previously commented that you are not deep in your thoughts, arguing with yourself that it doesn't matter what word you use but instead is the state that your heart is in is something that sadly enough to say, most youth today have no comprehension of. I commend you in making this statement. I hope and pray that we will all find a way to control a worthless emotion.
Honestly man, i will admit, i have a fairly "left" theology about language... but i understand frustrations about it... i do feel it is all based on motive... not nearly as much on the whats as the whys... but to be perfectly honest..
I feel more connected to you as a person having read your blinds story.
How's that for odd theology?
peace, man.
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