Sunday, December 30, 2007

home improvement anger

This afternoon I went to the local home improvement store to have an inch taken off of some blinds I had bought there for the girls room. There were two other customers in front of me having their blinds cut, and when it was finally my turn the employee kindly informed me that they don't cut the blinds I had bought, but they do cut this other kind that cost $28 more for the same size. So, after considerable internal struggle I decided to exchange the old blinds and buy the nicer ones that can be cut to the right size.

Following a 15 minute wait in the returns line I finally got back to the "cutting station" with my new blinds. As I walked up to the employee she looked at me strangely and asked if I wanted the new blinds cut. When I replied that I did she offhandedly told me it would 30 minutes before she completed two other customer requests and could get to mine. Before I knew it I was mumbling under my breath, "f***". Immediately I felt both guilty and ashamed. I'm not even sure whether or not she heard me but I had just let the granddaddy of all cuss words slip.

Now what was wrong with that? This is a line of thought I've thought about and discussed off and on over the years. (Here's a post at Just Matt that I joined in on) I guess what it comes down to for me is not that the word is that bad but that the condition of my mind and spirit at that point is just out of control. I was basically walking around one little inconvenience away from erupting and flying off the handle. To me, that is what's wrong with cussing. It's being out of control of my words and actions. I have much less of a problem with intentionally using strong language (provided it's not derogatory toward another person). I don't think uttering those sounds and syllables is really that bad. But what's bad to me is what my heart looks like in that moment. I want to learn the secret of being content in any and every situation. Then, a 30 minute inconvenience would not be the proverbial "straw that broke the camel's back" but something entirely different. And I would be a man of peace.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

real life CSI


Let me tell you, in real life, CSI is not that glamorous. Our house was broken into this morning while I was at work and my wife was at the grocery store with two of our children. I would say we were burgled but the violator did not actually take anything that we can tell. He/she rifled through every drawer in the house and strew the contents on the floor but as far as we can tell did not take any electronic equipment, jewelry, or even a brand new credit card that was sitting on our desk. Nothing at all. Either they were just looking for cash (in which case they definitely picked the wrong house) or we are spies and they hoped to find some of our secret documents.

Above is a picture of the window they chose to enter through. I would show you the finger-printing dust but it is boring (I don't see any finger prints) and it is everywhere, carpet, door handles, the whole nine yards.

Thursday, December 6, 2007

book summary: Daring To Draw Near


Though it would fall into the "books on prayer" category, this book is about a lot more than prayer. (though I learned a lot about prayer as well) What I loved about the book was the reflections at the beginning of each chapter on biblical passages. White does a masterful job of letting us peer into these encounters between men and God. I really appreciate John White's perspective on scripture. Essentially, he takes a different biblical character for each chapter to reflect on and learn about prayer. Along the way you look at Abraham conversing with God over the fate of Sodom and Hannah asking the Lord for a child, and Job covering his mouth as God reveals himself to him. We look at how David had both reverence and joy in his dancing before the Lord and Paul's measured theological intercession for the Ephesians. The book ends by looking at the recorded prayers of Jesus during his last 24 hours.

I would definitely recommend this book to others. It's not a manual on how to pray but is more intended to look at the prayers of very real people and their response to God's initiative. Along the way, we learn to see God more clearly. It is kind of like a book that blends prayer with discipleship. I think it is one that I will reread in the future.

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

dying

Dying well is a lost art. Most of us are so scared of death that we don't want to even think about it much less consider how to die well. But how can you live well if you're not in touch with your oncoming death. The truth is, our days are limited, they will not last forever. How will we spend them? There will be a point in time when we take our last breath and the canvas of our lives will be finished. But what will it say? Or to be more theologically correct, Act 1 of a great play will be finished. The better Acts are to come but this one will surely be finished. Our spirits will be disconnected from our bodies until they are returned to us fixed, repaired, and glorious.

But how will we die? Will have to be dragged off the stage after that first Act or will we gracefully exit, excited about what is to come? I think this is one of the serious downfalls of living in a society with the technology to keep us "alive" even after we lose consciousness. We are much less in touch with our own mortality and so we don't learn how to die well. Also, we are seldom with people when they die. People don't consciously die in homes anymore and so few of us get to see someone die. I don't say that with morbid fascination but just to say we don't have many models. When I was a kid I remember thinking that I wanted to die in my sleep. I was so afraid of the pain involved that I figured going in your sleep is the way to go. If the Lord sees fit to take me that way then I won't complain but tonight I hope that when I die I am able to be with those I care most about and consciously commit my spirit to the Lord as Jesus did. Has anyone ever died as well as he did? Here was an innocent man, taking on the punishment that others deserved, experiencing the cruelest form of death that has probably ever been invented. While dying, he asks for the forgiveness of his tormentors, asks his friend to care for his mom, offers eternal life to those dying with him, goes through hell and separation from the Father, comes through it and with joy (I believe) says, "Father, into your hands I commit my spirit."

My days are numbered though I do not know the number. I want to spend my remaining days living intentionally. I want to make them count for something. I can trust that whatever the Lord has planned for my life, I will not die until its complete. That's a good feeling. I hope and pray that in death I can bring honor to the one who makes life worth living.

Thursday, November 29, 2007

retreat

I'm leaving for a spiritual retreat and will be at the Lake Swan Camp in Melrose, FL. I don't include that so that you'll come visit. But, what a privilege to have a job where this is part of my job description.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

prayer

my boy John White on prayer...

"we must remind ourselves again of the basic nature of prayer: a response to God's initiative". [I am wondering if that statement is true in all its simplicity.]

White quoting C.S. Lewis, "God whispers to us in our pleasures but shouts to us in our pain."

"Longing is always understood clearly by God."

"Evangelical Christians are far to ready to treat God as a heavenly buddy."

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

blogging

I think I need to find a way to have more significant conversations on a daily basis. Being an external processor I don't really do a good job of reflecting on life if I'm left to myself to conjure up thoughts. Trying to post to this blogspot has shown this to be true. I find that most of my significant thoughts come from things I'm reading. I think that is fine but I would like to be this person who has significant thoughts that just come from reflecting on life, events, etc... But that doesn't seem to happen in my life, so I can either just continue to post about things I'm reading or I need to find find ways and time to have the kind of conversations with other people that I would like. Where are all the philosophers?

Friday, November 16, 2007

partnership with God?

I'm reading Daring To Draw Near by John White (who is steadily rising to the top of my favorite authors list). The other books of his that I've read (all or part of) are The Fight, Eros Defiled, and The Cost of Commitment. Each one has had a profound impact on me. On my bookshelf for the future are Excellence in Leadership and The Pathway of Holiness. Anyway, now that I'm finished gushing over John White I'll get on with my post.

In the first chapter of this book he explores the interaction that Abraham has with God in Genesis 18 as the three visitors are leaving. You're probably familiar with the story, God reveals he's about to destroy Sodom, and Abraham begins to plead with God to save the city if there are some righteous people there. One of White's assertions is that God not only chooses to call us friends (John 15:15) but that he also wants us to be his partners, to have a role in his plans. White says that this is part of why God lets Abraham in on what he is about to do. He's inviting Abraham to take counsel with himself on matters of importance to him. In White's words, "God has called you to attend a celestial board meeting to deliberate with him on matters of destiny."

This argument certainly seems to be treading on thin ice to me. Would God actually involve us on that level in his purposes in the world. The part of me that is convinced of God's utter sovereignty certainly hesitates. If this is true it would drastically change my prayer life though. White points out that there is no longer room for "if it be your will" kinds of prayers because that is essentially lazy pseudoreverence. It's a cop out from struggling to find out what God's will is, or it's a "lack of faith in the character of the Invisible One who works miraculously in the face of impossible odds".

What if God really does want this kind of partnership with us? Would I feel like someone with a brand new MBA walking into a board meeting with Donald Trump? Excited to be there and contribute but scared to be fired at any minute for saying something stupid. It would definitely add a new dimension to Jesus saying that if we ask anything in his name that he will do it. I'm imagining a business owner and a young apprentice. They usually reason everything out together, and the owner always has the last call, but it's a true discussion with give and take on both sides. And when the young apprentice makes a special request that isn't clearly bad for the company the owner will grant it because of their relationship. Could this be true?

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

progress?

I haven't read many books from the 1600's but a few years back I read The Pilgrim's Progress. One of the characters in the allegory that Christian walks along with for awhile is a guy named Talkative. I remember Talkative because I was severely convicted by this character. He seemed like a great guy to Christian at first and he had great ideas and talked about all the right things. But slowly, Christian began to realize that all he ever did was talk. And he wasn't really willing to do anything and live out his values, he just wanted to talk about the faith.

There is way too much "Talkative" in me. I have seen that again and again. I'm an idealist and I love to talk about my ideals. It's much harder for me to get around to living them out though. And so I fall into the trap of talking and talking and never doing the things I know I should do.

Well, today someone came into my office and was telling me about these boys and girls that she works with that are coming from some pretty tough living situations and the need for people to invest in them and see their potential and be with them as they do their homework and stuff. Now for 2 years, I have talked about and had the personal goal to get involved in some kind of after-school program here in Gainesville. The opportunity presented itself today.

Will I just be all talk?

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

building the Kingdom

are we called to build the Kingdom of God? Jesus almost always preached about the Kingdom of God (or Heaven) but he never said anything about advancing it or building it. instead, he said stuff like, "the Kingdom is within you" or "the Kingdom is here" or "the Kingdom is near". but never, "go forth, and build ye the Kingdom".

how has "building the Kingdom" slipped into our language so easily? I use this phrase all the time but it was pointed out to me today that behind that phrase lies a mindset of works that is in contrast to the Kingdom that is both "already" and "not yet".

is it wrong to think in terms of building or advancing the Kingdom?

(origin of thoughts credit: This Beautiful Mess)

Friday, October 26, 2007

Getting Your Feet Dirty


hey, I finished another book. I like having accountability for this in my life as I read alongside some of my staff friends. If anyone would like to see our reading list and join us just let me know. Here are my thoughts on the latest book I read...

Before reading Getting Your Feet Dirty I had read Jesus With Dirty Feet and The Smell of Sin written by Don Everts. I loved both of those books; they were insightful, creative, and beautifully written. This book was not what I expected. Part of that is that it was written to people who are not familiar with the story of the early church as recorded in Acts. I am and it was not as compelling to me. But that may be my fault. I think it would be more compelling for people who are not as familiar with the story and maybe I read it from too prideful a perspective.

The strength of the book lies in that it does a good job of unpacking what happened at Pentecost and in the days and months that followed. It shows how the first followers of Jesus began to live out their new lives. If we all followed their examples in our own contexts there is much that is wrong that would be right. It is simple and I appreciate that. I think it would be a good book to put in the hands of a new believer, but I can think of other books that I would read alongside a new believer to discuss with them, and that is what I was looking for.

Sunday, October 21, 2007

traveling man

...sitting in the Charlotte airport waiting for a flight to Knoxville. big props to Charlotte for providing free wireless internet in the whole airport. I might start taking US Airways instead of Delta when I can.

tonight I'll be in Knoxville with former IV staffer Greg Jobe. tomorrow I'll be in Maryville with Bob Roberts from Maryville College as part of my coaching role in the Chapter Building Cohort. then Tuesday through Friday I'll be in Townsend, TN (in the Smokies) for the southeast Regional Leadership Team meeting. traveling is fun but its hard to be away from such a fun family.

I'm doing some last minute reading from a business book called The Fifth Discipline that is required for the RLT meeting. The focus of the book is on becoming Learning Organizations. That doesn't mean a whole lot to me but what I've read so far is making me think along good lines. Do we let ourselves become "prisoners of our own thinking"? ...maybe I can post on it later. my flight is finally boarding.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

from noun to verb



I've spent a lot of time in the book of Philippians this year. I spent January through June memorizing the whole book and my plan is to slowly study the whole book by the end of December. It has been a lot of fun and Philippians has probably become my favorite book along the way.

This morning I was reading a commentary on Philippians 2:12-18 and the author made the point that throughout Philippians, joy is a verb and not a noun. It is not a feeling but something we do. We rejoice! It is not dictated by our circumstances but by our perspective. I thought that was really helpful. I decided to take a short walk outside and rejoice in all that God is doing in and around me right now. It was a great walk.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

sonburst 2007


I'm off to Sonburst tomorrow. You can read about it here or here. On Saturday morning I will co-lead a seminar titled New Community: Creating Places of Belonging. And on Sunday morning I will be leading a seminar titled The Beauty of God and Call To Mission Among White Americans.

In the middle, I hope to hear some great stories by Carl Medearis, hang out with lots of college students who are serious about God, and maybe even get to see Dawn a little bit. I should be back on Sunday afternoon but I probably won't be recovered until sometime on Monday.

Monday, October 8, 2007

authenticity of speech

Do Christians tend to exaggerate their relationship with the Lord?

I have a friend who is really struggling in their faith right now because they don't sense the kind of closeness to God and real relationship that they expect. Though I am sad for my friend, I admire their uncompromising quest for authenticity and it has made me begin to question the ways we talk about our relationship with God. It is so common to hear people say, "God told me this" or "God wants me to do that". Should those statements be that common? On one hand I do believe that those experiences can and should be regular. But I think that many of us fling those phrases around and allow them to be a common part of our everyday speech.

There is nothing common about the God of the universe speaking to a mortal. When the Lord speaks there is no choice but to listen and obey. He is the Lord. That is what "Lord" means.

But tonight I am more concerned about a culture, a way of talking that implies that we carry on conversations with God all the time. I know that this culture exists because I am somewhat self conscious even writing these words. I am after all in full time ministry and am expected to carry on these daily conversations with God. But if I'm honest, God's communication to me is much less dramatic and usually happens through the scriptures. In fact, most often it is when a part of my character or actions does not line up with his will. I am convicted and in that moment it is clear that God is the one who has laid me bare with those words. The beautiful thing about these moments is that they usually come with a promise of freedom through repentance. There is way out, a chance to change, to turn back to the Lord and a sense of liberation that comes with that.

For sure, there are moments when I've sensed a positive affirmation about a course of action and for me, those moments usually tend to be in corporate prayer with others. There are other cases but that has been the norm in my experience.

So, what am I asking?

I'm asking that we choose our words and what we communicate about our relationship with God very carefully. Many of us have grown in our relationship to God in contexts where the former kind of talking was the culture and we have slipped into it all to easily, allowing ourselves to interpret our experiences a little too liberally. I do believe that we should share it when God reveals himself, for that is far too special of a thing to keep to ourselves. But let's do so with humility and caution, lest we attribute something to God that is untrue. Let's be authentic and not afraid to struggle along in this journey of faith. It is still faith is it not? But God is true and his word promises that he is for us, even when we walk through the valley of the shadow of death.

Friday, October 5, 2007

'anti-social behavior order' Jesus

I stumbled across a blog last night...

The Adventures of ASBO Jesus

It is a series of cartoons that a guy in England is publishing at his site. If you love the church but think she needs to get her act together in some places then you will probably enjoy it.

Thursday, October 4, 2007

I finished a book...


I just finished Growing Your Faith by Giving It Away by York Moore. Below is a summary of it I wrote as part of group of friends who are reading together.

This book was very compelling. I almost always enjoy reading evangelism books because it is a subject I don’t feel like an expert in. Some evangelism books spur me on to actively sharing the Gospel more than others though. This is one of them. York Moore has a very straight forward manor and language in his evangelism. He doesn’t shy away from words like repentance, hell, sin, and death. Although I think my approach with people is much different it is also clear that sometimes I miss opportunities to convey what’s vitally important. It is a good challenge for me to move some in that direction.

The strength of the book in my estimation is that he explores the realm of listening and responding to the Holy Spirit in evangelism that we all experience. He is direct about this as well but doesn’t shy away from telling his failures as well as his successes in responding to God’s promptings. Really, it’s the candid nature of his personal experiences that is so helpful. He writes about what we’ve all felt and gives examples of how God meets us more than half way in these situations and uses our meager efforts. Not all of his stories end in someone’s conversion. That is refreshing because it is so true of my experience. And in the end, the title of the book captures really well the theme he explores throughout. He sees evangelism as an adventure together with Jesus that stretches us and grows our faith. He sees it as the call of every Christian and reminds us that Jesus has promised to be with us, day after day, to the very end.

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

dignity

Dawn and I watched The Motorcycle Diaries tonight. It's a stunning film. The simple beauty of the American people and landscapes. The purity of true friendship. Adventure and transformation. It made me feel a lot. About people, our common humanity, pain, suffering, and the chance to remind someone that they have incredible worth.

I'm really glad we watched it. I've felt somewhat disconnected and dispassionate lately. But watching the "not yet" Che Guevara go to a leper colony as an aspiring doctor only to be changed forever worked its magic. I couldn't help thinking of Jesus when young Ernesto rejected the gloves and shook Papa Carlito's leprous hand. And though I've felt torn in too many directions lately and have not been able to focus, somehow God is reigniting those places in my heart. I want to burn white hot.

The intriguing thing to me is that this could happen through the story of someone who seemed to reject God at every turn. As for me, I never cared for the forgotten and oppressed until my eyes were opened to God's love for them. So it is a bit weird to see that in Che Guevara. But it also makes me question all that I've ever been told about the Cuban Revolution that Che was a part of. I haven't studied it or him and I don't know what he became, but the movie has the ring of truth and I see someone who would break the rules to love people sacrificially. And I aspire to that.